Have you ever tried living under the shadow of people? Were you always working real hard, with all creativity and effort possible, just to receive acknowledgement and attention?
I did.
As a mediocre kid born with musical prodigies as parents and siblings, I always vied for the acknowledgement of my family. It was never easy having talented siblings who effortlessly dominate the spotlight.
I kept on finding the right note, the right step and the right rhythm to slide my way on to my own path, my own identity. I found it through dancing. Dancing was a blissful feeling. I was able to convey the messages I had hidden in the corners of my mind. Each step represents the emotions I had experienced in life: joy, happiness, sadness, heartbreaks and many others.
But with each try, I remember my goal and everything felt like a lost cause. Each success was easily brushed off by the shining achievements my siblings attain. And within our community, I always felt like a loser due to the stereotypical belief that the talents of the offspring must represent those of the parents on a higher scale, to which I feel I cannot pass.
Still, I kept on dancing. I felt the heavy grudge in my heart in every step that I made. Each choreograph I created was made out of love, but it wasn’t whole. It was hollow. That so called “love” was there, but the genuine feelings weren’t. At some point in my life, I started questioning God.
“Do you hate me? I only wanted them to be proud. Why are you doing this to me?”
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But still, I continued. I danced. And I kept on praying that one day, God will show me the way to my parents’ acknowledgement.
Time went by, slowly, but surely, my parents saw the depth of my passion in dancing like the very passion they also have in their own talents.
A certain event made me dance in front of many people, and among them, were my parents. After the performance, they approached me. And with a smile, they said, “We are so proud of you, even from the start. We’re so happy that God gave you to us, our son.”
Behind them and those embracing words of affirmation, a glaring, but pleasant light embraced my eyes. And then it hit me.
God was with me throughout my entire journey. Slowly I realized that those heavy steps were not my personal grudges but it was His strength helping me move with more conviction. Each and every light feeling my body was experiencing was Him, giving me the chance to enjoy my passion. He used me to convey His message through my talents. That every blissful feeling I felt was His love incorporated through the sole talent I loved the most. God is always with us. He is always there guiding us through our passion.
Undeniably, He has blessed me with talent, an identity of my own. There is no need to prove myself to others, to seek attention or to desire for acknowledgement because He alone assures me that I am loved.
