Change is all around us. It comes in many different ways, bringing many different things. There are countless chances it may entail – pain, disappointment, frustration, happiness, resolve, clarity and the list goes on. Change can be so unpredictable and so sudden that most of us are not ready for it. It is inevitable. Not knowing its exact arrival makes it natural for us to fear it more.
There was a time in my life when I blinded myself from the beauties life could offer. I took them for granted. I failed to see all the things that I didn’t know I cared about, things I didn’t know I loved. I also failed to notice the intensity of care and love I was given. And with a sudden loss, everything changed for me.
All my life I’ve been lectured on how to make my years last longer, or in other words, how to live longer. My parents would always push me to live an active and healthy lifestyle. We are related to so many people who’ve lived to tell the stories of their long, happy and adventurous lives. One of them was my great grandmother. She lived longer than most people and survived through life for over 94 years. My childhood was partly composed of our weekend trips to her house. Despite our busy lifestyle, we must set everything aside when it’s time to pay her a visit.
My great grandmother was many things. I haven’t known her well enough to actually know who she really was but I have grown accustomed to her stories. I can’t say I was very fond of her. Not that I disliked her in some way but we just weren’t that close. Having old age, she had the struggle of remembering things that would seem impossible to forget – names, dates, places, where she was, who she’s talking to, etc. It was clear to us that the consequences of time finally caught up with her. We knew she didn’t have long time to live. When she reached 93, she encountered numerous complications. Certain people had to come home from different parts of the world to be there for her; an occasion that would make it clear that something was terrifyingly wrong.
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The thing about my great grandmother that made a great impact in me was seeing her bravery. She was never afraid to finally let go. I don’t know if she already reached all her dreams in life but contentment settled in her gaze. There were times when my mom would tell me to keep an eye on her, I’d see her praying and telling me that she can see my great grand father there, smiling, waiting. She said that there was this inviting light leading her on that it may even be God himself. Like I said, I didn’t know her that well, but when she finally passed away on the 27th of July 2015, I felt that sudden change. It came with a warning but it still felt sudden. I felt a certain kind of emptiness.
You will never appreciate something so much until it’s gone – cliché but true. The feeling of embracing the absence of something you had gotten used to comes with inexplicable and excruciating pain. Right from the beginning I was aware of the fact that God will be taking her any day. But there will always be circumstances when no matter how you thought you’ve prepared yourself, no matter how much you’ve thought you can handle it, no matter how strongly you tried to convince yourself you’re ready for it, you just can never fully prepare yourself for death. You can never dictate your heart to shield itself from getting hurt especially when it’s a death of someone you love.
In a world of instants, change just comes in. It comes by so swiftly and before you know it, you’re living a new life. Change comes and sometimes you don’t have any choice but to accept it. But even though it gets tough, you are never alone in facing it. The people you love and love you will always be there – living or not, on earth or in heaven. My great grandfather’s presence when my great grandmother was counting her days is a proof to that.
I may not have known her well enough but I sure did learn a lot from my great grandmother and her unending stories. She made me realize things, new things. She made me realize that I should have time to stop and take a second look on things. I shouldn’t take my life for granted but instead take notes of how beautiful life is so that I will also be able to tell stories like she did.
Through change, through tragedy, through loss, through something new, I’ve learned to love and appreciate things more deeply. I am now more grateful to God who even in the numbered years gave me a chance to experience how great my great grandmother is. God made her an instrument of taking away the blindfold that has been covering my sight of a lot of things to be thankful for each and every day. This change she brought to me is love. And this love may be new, but it will be my foundation for the years ahead.
