There was point in my life, the darkest part of my past, when I’ve hurt so many people, most especially, my family.
I was only 14 years old when my father died. I thought I lost every hope that I had in life. Without him, I felt like I couldn’t do anything or go anywhere. I would end up being a failure because he was the only one who took care of me, of us.
I thought I was strong so I concealed every weakness I have. At an early age, I started to do things that I thought would make everyone around me see that I am strong. I started to do things that would make me feel that I am not weak, that my father’s death would not affect me.
I started to go out with people I thought were my friends. I learned to try different vices from them. We drank as hard as we could until we all ended up wasted, we went into fights with other ‘gangs’ because I thought we were defending each other. At an early age, I thought I was ‘making love’; I learned to have lustful thoughts which ended up with me, having sex with just about anybody. I started to sleep anywhere I want. When someone asks me where my family was, I would answer, “I don’t have any family anymore because I came from a broken family,” when in fact it was only me who was broken.
There are lots of things that made me broken, but that brokenness unexpectedly led me to my turning point. On that fateful night, I went to Parola, which I consider the most dangerous place in Tondo. Most of the people there were troublemakers, thieves, snatchers, rapists, and killers etc.
I went with my friends to a beerhouse in the area. Inside the place, there was a group of men and one of them had a girl with him. The girl was glancing at our table, so the guy who was with her got jealous. I ended up being surrounded by this group who threatened to kill me. I thought I was going to be dead. That was also the first time I felt fear—my heartbeat was racing. In that moment, I wanted to cry because I was scared to die. That was the first time I thought of my family. I wanted them to know how sorry I was for hurting them by doing what I thought was concealing my weakness.
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Fortunately, the Lord has always been great. He sent people to talk to the group of men who surrounded me. After that night, I hurriedly went home. When I reached our house, I saw my family bonding with each other, telling stories of how their day went. I walked directly towards my mother and cried saying, “Nay, sorry na” (Mother, I’m sorry). What she told me next changed of how I view life, “Alam mo anak, itakwil mo na kaming pamilya mo, ‘wag lang ang Diyos” (You know son, you can forsake us your family but never forsake God). I cried out loud and repeatedly said sorry to my mother.
Sometimes we do not know the purpose of our life, for whom or for what it is reserved. I went through that time of my life not knowing what would be the outcome of my decisions. Most of these decisions led me to a point where I didn’t acknowledge God in my life. But then, I realized that the real reason of my life is the love of God. The family I have now is the same family I’ll have in my entire lifetime. So, I am trying my best to give them the love, kindness and care that they deserve. I promised to share with my family all the love that God has given me.
Love Cloud would like to thank Bodit Enon for contributing the photos featured in this blog entry.
