I experienced my first heartbreak when I was fifteen. It came not from a boy but from the friendship I’ve built for over three years. I never thought I would be the person to be hurt by some of the closest people in my life because I thought the friends I had were the ones to stick by my side forever.
The walls I’ve broken down to be able to build those relationships seemed to rebuild itself once again. I felt negative emotions coming as one, suffocating my heart and pushing it towards all the insecurities, fears, and doubts that I had.
I am still grateful that I had the emotional support from my family and from people who showed genuine love towards me. They tried to be there to comfort me and I reassured them that I was going to be okay. I thought that this was just a small bump in the road and that I’ll heal from the pain right away but I realized it affected me more than I thought it would. I misjudged my own feelings as I began to have troubles trusting others because of the fear of being judged and ostracized once again.
I automatically hid my emotions from the people that cared about me. I became absent-minded from the fact that I was becoming defensive and distant towards everyone, even myself. I lost myself in the darkness that I’ve been trying to avoid for the longest time, and I couldn’t admit this to myself because I no longer wanted to feel ‘weak’ and ‘broken’.
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However, despite all the deceptions and the feeling of desolation, I tried to be honest with myself about one thing: God’s love for me. I knew in the deepest depths of my heart that God was the only One that will accept all of me and that His love is greater than all of the pain that I’ve been through. I learned to be vulnerable towards God and that taught me that being vulnerable does not make me weak but it makes me stronger, for I have used my heart aches to draw myself closer to His love.
I learned that even if we have to go through pain for some time, we are able to gain something greater out of it. I learned how to forgive the people who have hurt me and I also learned to forgive myself. I grasped the idea of what meaningful relationship is and I have come to realize the radical love God has for me.
Trust in the Lord that He will be able to rebuild the broken pieces of your heart into a heart full of love and full of life. You’ll be okay.
