“Oh wow, did you cut your hair?”
“Who do you hang out with these days?”
“Do you even go out?”
Meeting up with a few friends I haven’t seen in a while, these were the kinds of questions I was asked. To begin with, let’s talk about FOMO or the “fear of missing out” syndrome. Popularized by Caterine Fake at a TED talk, FOMO is the apprehension you experience when others might be having better experiences when you’re not there. That pit feeling you get when you scroll past your friends’ pictures of vacations, events, new restaurants, or that group meet-up you’ve missed out. Yup, that’s FOMO.
Social media made it easy for us to watch each other’s lives, and with the ease of smartphones and tablets on the go, we’re more aware of what exactly we’re missing out on. The result? Besides making us more envious, insecure, and perhaps maybe even depressed of our imperfect and seemingly unfulfilled lives compared to our friends, it drives us to compulsively check Facebook or Instagram for new status updates, messages, and photos for fear of missing out on something.
According to studies, because we’re aware that people are “watching” us through our social networks, what we post online is just an edited fraction of who we are as a person and how we want to be perceived as, thereby only showing our ideal, or rather, false self. When we portray this ideal self and we are liked by the creative photos and witty status updates we carefully curate, it fosters a false sense of self-esteem and gets us more addicted to the instant gratification a like or heart provides. And because we all have that universal need for the feeling of love and respect, we actively reciprocate by publishing those kind of content too. It’s a whole cycle!
This fear of missing out have also made us dependent on smartphones and social networks. In an over-sharing culture, I feel that one of the downsides of FOMO is being drained by it all and having that impulse to hit Delete.
Going back to my friends’ reaction after not having heard from me online, I’ve been doing a sort of digital detox and practicing the joy in missing out (JOMO)—not completely, as I still enjoy chatting with friends who live elsewhere on Facebook, but almost. But hey, I still love social media and how it’s helped develop and maintain friendships. But because it provides a quick opportunity to be socially engaged, we’ve become reliant on its abilities when liking someone’s status and their new picture does not equate to caring about someone. It may help maintain friendship, but it can’t be replaced with quality time, words of affirmation, and affectionate hugs that face-to-face communication offers.
In my digital detox, I’ve found I’ve gotten better with keeping in touch. There are more ways than seeing a friend’s Facebook timeline to see how they are. You could have long conversations over a messaging app or even e-mail, go for coffee or dinner dates, check out art and music shows in your city… there’s so much! Sure, if they’re in another country, by all means, use technology at will, but take the time to message them privately and ask them how they really are. But if you both live in the same city and you can’t even arrange to meet for one hour, that’s not friendship.
Don’t get me wrong, like everyone else, I’m sentimental and still publish a photo or status update to commemorate moments with close friends and mundane activities such as—cue my self-shame—pictures of food, books, and buildings because they’re “Instagram-worthy.” What’s so bad about that? I suppose the hitch is when we get so caught up trying to capture a particular point in time that we forget to enjoy it. There are moments when it’s good to let it be forever etched in your virtual feed. And there are some instances when it’s okay that it’s left with yourself and the people who shared that moment with you. You have to ask yourself, am I watching this sunset for the sake of savoring an instance where you can, borrowing a line from The Perks of a Wallflower, “feel infinite”? Or are you watching that sunset for the picture that you can take that will surely give you many likes?
There’s so much more to life than what Facebook or Instagram can capture in its essence. Let’s stop comparing ourselves to others and strive to be authentic and transparent in what we put out there. Live your life the way your “genuine self” would.
Let’s put down the phone and live for the moment. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter—whatever your choice of weapon is, can wait. Embrace the JOMO. Live and love your life.
