Have you ever wanted something so bad that you’d do everything to achieve it? You would have worked hard, sacrifice tons, and give your whole heart just to achieve it. There are moments, however, when despite the preparations, goals still seem unreachable. And you’re left in a corner, asking yourself what went wrong.
The pain accompanied by these disappointments is an unbearable pain we don’t ever want to feel again. So we find ourselves obsessed with holding our lives to lessen uncertainties. We manage our time. We set our goals. We plan — harder. We bury our noses into our planners – listing things to do today, tomorrow, for the week, for the whole year or before we turn at a certain age. We plan to keep our days clutter-free. We plan to keep our minds sane. We plan to keep our lives intact. We plan to prevent ourselves from disappointments.
But life is tricky. There are moments when we don’t realize other factors in our lives also play in the scene. Problems come about. Reality hits. Life happens. We then find ourselves facing a brick wall that stops us from continuing what we have planned to do. Before we know it, our plans slip easily through our fingers like grains of sand.
In 2015, I planned to have the perfect semester. In that perfect semester, I had in mind, I wanted to end it with me wearing my “sablay”, holding my diploma while marching in the field with hundreds of people. I planned to finally have a photo with the Oblation statue on that day too. It was a great plan as I foresee it. But my lenses had been too focused on that end goal that I wasn’t prepared for the things that were about to come.
It was in the month of March, the peak of my semester when the inevitable happened.
I was told that my thesis – the sole key to my graduation – wasn’t good enough. Once those words were uttered, I flipped. Massive waves of tears shed. It was heartbreaking and the finish line I had in my head seemed to move farther and farther away.
It would be a lie to say I didn’t hate the idea. I loathed it. I remembered getting angry at everyone who would bring up the “graduation” topic. I tried to do things that would veer my mind away from the pain of remembering. I tried sports. I jogged every night. I focused on my other subjects – trying hard to get a perfect grade in all of them. I even worked harder in my service. But nothing was truly able to make me forget. Nothing was able to make the pain subside. But there was one way that helped – acceptance.
Whenever situations like these arise, we tend to look up and ask God, “Why?” Why wasn’t your bullet-proof plan able to suffice? Why should we feel the pain, the hurts, and the disappointments? Why do His plans go against ours? Why?
But in between these questions, have you ever considered pausing for a while and accept what had been thrown at you? Because despite the hurts, the pain and the disappointments, underneath lie the greater challenge God wants us to overcome – accepting what He has planned for us.
It won’t be an easy road. The process towards it is tough. The suffering may even draw you back to square one. But it’s a must to have an open heart to what He is giving us.
Yes, we might have felt hurt from the get-go, but we have to accept. Accept that what happened isn’t for us to decide. Accept that there are plans that the palms of our hands cannot grasp. Accept how minuscule our plans are compared to what God has in store for us. Accept God’s greater plans.
It may take you a while to get into this process. But knowing that God will support you through it is a good start. So just let the hurt sink deep into your hearts until it dwindles. Start loving what is not part of your plan but what is His.
