God is doing something beautiful in my life. He’s doing a completely beautiful work in me.
I struggled with self-love for years. I wasn’t able to see and welcome love from people around me. I wasn’t even able to acknowledge the love that could have been the ultimate, the one that comes from above. It was hard for me to live every day pretending I was okay when I was not. I suffered depression and anxiety. Only that there always seemed to have a force that kept on stopping me.
One day, I went to a chapel. I talked to God. I was too ashamed to face Him at first. I knew that I have sinned so much. I didn’t even know if I had any right to be there. So, I just stared at Him. But as I saw Him there on the cross, I sensed He was looking at me with so much love.
I broke into tears. I suddenly knew then that He loved me wholly – with all the messy edges and dark corners of my soul. And so I asked for forgiveness. I celebrated with the sacrament of reconciliation as I was enlightened by His personal words for me, “My daughter, I love you, and there’s nothing that can change that. Come back home, my paradise is waiting for you. You are forgiven.”
Since then, I’ve chosen to live my life with Him.
[second_picture] He never fails to remind me every waking moment of how much I am loved, of how much I am worthy of love. The deep brokenness and rebellion in my heart was known to God, but He keeps on loving me. He keeps on pursuing me. I have never found a love like His- one that always leaves me excited, love that always seeks me and fights for me. His is a love that fills empty pockets with graces and faith. His is a love that makes weak soldiers heroes. His is a love that never leaves anyone wounded. His is a love that saw me clothe in sins, but never made me feel scrapped. His love washed away my sins. It is humbling to know that God loves me so much to welcome my imperfections.
As written in Paul’s letter to the Romans, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” I believe this truth is meant to assure us all. God’s love never fails. So let’s have faith.
There would still be days when it would be difficult to face the mornings. There would still be days when sadness would dare to take over. There would still be days we might feel like giving up. There would always be days that wouldn’t go on our side. But still, God’s love never fails.
Right now, I am grateful that I am already able to recognize the love from the people around me. I am grateful that I can now see my worth as a daughter of the Most High. I am already taking the time to understand why things are happening the way they do. I am also taking the time to name the feelings that occupy my heart because I am able to acknowledge that I am feeling them with God’s consent – sadness and happiness, love and pain, fear and excitement. I willingly absorb the light that this world has, which peeks through all the darkness that surrounds my soul.
It has been a wild ride and it still is. But right now, my heart is grateful and so is my soul. I am happy to live in this world that wakes up to the grace and mercy of God. I have never felt so alive before.
Father, thank you for showing me how much I’m worthy and enough. I want to lose myself not to someone, not to the world, but to You, my God! I love you.
