“Lord, I don’t understand. Please, help me understand.”
That was my prayer for the past 6 months.
I just turned 30 last May and it seems that my quarter-life crisis just keeps on dragging on. All my plans won’t seem to push through. For the past few months, my special someone and I have been trying and trying to build up our “future fund”. But every month, we encounter setbacks, one after another. Everything wasn’t working. At least that’s what I thought. So I asked God to reveal His plan for me. I waited for months and I felt that God was still not answering my prayer and I got frustrated. I was so frustrated that I was beginning to doubt the path that I was in.
I prayed for a loving and praying man, but I began to doubt the future of my 6-year relationship.
God gave me a job that I prayed for, but I began to doubt the work that I do.
I am blessed with a wonderful family, but my father’s life is now at risk because of sickness.
I was a wreck. I felt confused, frustrated and alone.
However, God has His own way of revealing Himself to us and He did it with me just in the nick of time. It was during a conference at church that God showed how His hand was moving in my life. It was a talk about prayer and one point that he had was this: Praying teaches us to be dependent on God and be transformed through Him.
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First thing that came into mind was my parents. They are my dependents because I am single. God whispered in my ear – “They still need you, marriage will come. Take care of your parents while you still can.”
And then I thought about my job. God allowed me to have the job that I never expected – knowing that my family will eventually be blessed by it. It provided us the medical support especially when we found out that my dad eventually needed to undergo heart surgery.
Yes, God did all that without me knowing it. I was crying tears of joy. And here all along I thought I was switching jobs to grow in my career and maybe save a bit more.
It’s true that we plan our lives as if it’s ours and we know what’s best for us. But being our Father, God has shaped our lives so that we may experience life to the full and glorify Him through it.
My dad’s heart surgery was without complications and his recovery has been quick. My doubts and fears for the future have been eased.
Before, I just believed in discerning and was blind to what comes after. Now I know well that when you pray, discern, be obedient and follow His leading, everything will eventually fall into place. His love will never fail.
